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| NO TO BRIDE BULLYING! Photo lifted from http://en.paperblog.com/ |
Here in Rebellious Brides, we receive personal messages from ex-brides and bride-to-bes on the bullying that they have gone though over the course of their wedding preps. Here are just some of the messages that really upset us the most:
"Dear Rebellious Brides, I am so sad. No matter how much we try to bring down the cost of our wedding without compromising quality or do what we really want...everyone still has something to say..."why don't you do it like this?", "why can't you just make it as simple as this?". I am seriously losing my appetite for my own wedding"
"Dear Rebellious Brides, I want to do what I want for my own wedding. But I am not the type to be vocal about it. Everyone has an idea for my wedding. I am losing control over it. Now, I am no longer excited. It's not my wedding after all."
"Dear Rebellious Brides, I really love your article about not having a traditional reception. I love it!! I am a number one non-reception person but my mother-in-law interfered with all my ideas for my wedding! But I just gave-in to everything my mother-in-law wanted because I was pre-occupied with exams here in the US so I just let her do whatever she wanted! I was so irritated because SHE EVEN DICTATED MY GOWN FOR ME! Every time I would try to inject my own ideas she would say that it would be embarrassing ---blahblahblah! I just surrendered because I was already in that stage where I wanted to get it over and done with so that I can get married already.
The most memorable part of my wedding was when my best friend said something about how my husband and I are just a simple couple with simple dreams and that she hopes for me to come home to Manila. Every time I remember that speech, it makes me emotional because that was the only "ME' part of our wedding. That was the only thing that I felt had a personal touch…through my friend..sorry if I’m opening so much cuz when I read your blog I really felt happy and inspired."
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| LEARN TO SAY NO. IT IS YOUR WEDDING, NOT THEIRS. Photo lifted from http://www.thisnext.com/ |
In my own wedding, I knew that "bride bullying" was bound to happen. I grew up with the strictest dad you could ever find (I grew up not going to gimmicks and going home early 'till I was working), and I grew up with an imposing, nagging, bratty, momzilla. In fact, I was even diagnosed with depression because of how I was brought up. So if there's a weak person who could have easily been bride bullied, it was me. And I could smell it a mile away. So what did I do? The day we told my parents that we were getting married, I prepared a POWERPOINT presentation that had the BASIC details of our wedding. I had anticipated all their possible questions and comments and laid it out for them already. And most importantly, I told them that we were paying for our own wedding. I literally did not give room for anyone to dictate anything in my wedding. During the actual wedding, I had specifically instructed my coordinator NOT to allow anyone near me during my wedding preps unless authorized. I stayed FAR away from everyone as I can and explained to my parents that I want to de-stress before the wedding. The result? I had the peace of mind that I wanted in my own wedding. And I was able to execute my wedding, my own way. When we got married again the second time around, my parents spent for it, so naturally, I had to compromise for the things they wanted to execute for the wedding. But I still managed to control the essential things that I wanted such as the main concept, my own brunch reception with my friends, my own non-white gown, among other things. And it was not just my parents who I had to deal with, mind you. In the end, I also learned of who my REAL friends are--because you will begin to see the true colors of your friends when you are planning your wedding. I know that some people will not agree with the unconventional ways I dealt with my parents or my friends---but the fact of the matter is, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. This is the very reason why we created Rebellious Brides. To empower brides to create and decide for their own wedding.
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| If someone is trying to take over your wedding, smile, be polite--but at the back of your head, say:
"W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!
I'll say yes to you now, but come wedding day--
I AM DOING IT MY WAY."Photo lifted from http://anglicancontinuum.blogspot.com |
This is not about being a bridezilla because that's very different and we don't like bridezillas. This is about standing up for your own rights as a bride. IT IS YOUR BIG DAY. DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE DICTATE YOUR WEDDING---INSTEAD, PUT THEM IN THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE--WHICH IS BESIDE YOU TO SUPPORT YOU--AND NOT IN FRONT OF YOU TO LEAD YOU.
If you are afraid that standing up for your own wedding will burn bridges, perhaps it will, and perhaps it won't. But YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE. You just simply can't. You should know that by now. Even presidents and celebrities, even God cannot please everyone in this world. Same with you. So since you cannot please everyone anyway, might as well just do what you want to do in your own wedding.
AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE TWO PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE HAPPY DURING YOUR WEDDING IS YOU AND YOUR GROOM.ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.
I will end this blog entry, with a scene that I remember when my brother was getting married. I was inside the car with my parents, and at the backseat, I was with my younger sister. My parents were ranting about how my brother is not considering their suggestions for his wedding. My sister and I were defending my brother but my dad had a rebuttal for each of our defense. Knowing that it was a lost cause, my sister rolled her eyes, and whispered to me: "When my time comes, I am just going to elope". Have we really come to this? Is this what we eventually want to happen in the future weddings? Only because we are so blinded by the fact that we are not the couple and yet we act as if we are the ones getting married?
So for those who are BRIDE BULLYING out there: JUST GET MARRIED AGAIN OR FIND YOUR OWN WEDDING OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE THE WEDDING AND THE BRIDE YOU ARE TRYING TO BULLY IS OFF LIMITS.
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| Photo lifted from http://www.123rf.com/ |
And for the brides out there who are being bullied, COVER YOUR EARS. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. Stay positive, release the negative energy and don't let them bully you. When everyone is failing you, hold your groom's hand, close your eyes, and envision your dream wedding. That's what matters the most. This is about the two of you.
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| YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! YOU ARE WELCOME HERE WE ARE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP Photo lifted from: http://www.clipartguide.com/ |
THE REBELLIOUS BRIDES ARE HERE FOR YOU. If Mica and I can just ward off all the bride bullies for you and tell them to back off, we would. Email us if you need support. LET'S FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN DREAM WEDDING
Written by Kai, but Mica and I are one in this cause, and we dedicate this blog to you, our dear Rebellious Bride :)
